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Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some
set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long
conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the
candidate we like.

Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We
first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her.
The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement
the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client
requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult
to maintain.

Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall
model is possible.

Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are
not responding.
Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.

Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for
implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents
so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married
life.

Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse
cooking food, washing clothes etc.

Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as
required features.

Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.

Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product
once sold will not be taken back!

A newly recruited vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the
first house of the street. A tall lady open the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the
living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow
droppings onto the carpet.

“Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful
Vacuum cleaner in the next 10 mins, I will EAT all this dung!”
Exclaimed the eager salesman.

“Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that” asked the lady.

“Why, madam  ??? “    The bewildered salesman asked,

“There’s no electricity in the house…” said the lady.

MORAL: Gather all requirements and resources before working on any
project and committing to the client…!!!

ONE PARAGRAPH THAT EXPLAINS LIFE!

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.
From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: “Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease”?

To this Arthur Ashe replied:

“The world over — 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis, 500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, when I was holding a cup I never asked GOD ‘Why me?’.

And today in pain I should not be asking GOD ‘Why me?’ ”

Happiness keeps you Sweet

Trials keep you Strong
Sorrow keeps you Human

Failure keeps you humble and Success keeps you glowing, but only Faith & Attitude Keeps you going…

This is a story from the Japanese Embassy in US!!!

A few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama…

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Obama, please say ‘how r u’.
Then Mr. Obama should say, ‘I am fine, and you?’ Now, you should say ‘me too’. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.’

It looks quite simple, but the truth is…

When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said ‘who r u?’ (Instead of ‘How r u?’.)

Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
‘Well, I’m Michelle’s husband, ha-ha…’

Then Mori replied ‘me too, ha-ha.. .’.

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man
around that they had a standing Rs 10,000 bet. The bartender would
squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the
lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice
out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it. One day,
a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses.

“I’d like to try the bet,” he said in a tiny, squeaky voice.

After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon,
and squeezed away. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to
the little man. But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as
the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into
the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000 and asked
the little man what he did for a living. Was he a lumberjack,
or a weightlifter, or what?

“I work for the Income Tax department.”

A Jobless man applied for the position of ‘office boy’ at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

‘You are employed’ he said. Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.

The man replied ‘But I don’t have a computer, neither an email’.

‘I’m sorry’, said the HR manager. If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.’

The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours,
he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times,
and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US …
He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.
The man replied,’I don’t have an email.’
The broker answered curiously, ‘You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!’ The man thought for a while and replied, ‘Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!’

Moral of the story

Moral 1
Internet is not the solution to your life.

Moral 2
If you don’t have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Moral 3 If you received this message by email,
you are closer to being a office boy/girl, than a millionaire. ………

Bihari Essay “Indian Cow” (PLS GO THROUGH THIS!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’ll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This
is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC
Examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

The Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. “The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed,
And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is
got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man.
But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are
afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk.
Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses don't have
any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the
condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans
and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy
species, Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees,
plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and
drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then
afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of
the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only
attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is
got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the
weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly
proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated
in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the
other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies
which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is
not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground
and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This
is the cow…….

We are informed that the candidate somehow passed the exam, and is now
is bihar in somewhere..[sorry somewhere in Bihar]

LITTLE BOBBY

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell
his mother what he wanted.

Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.

Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Bobby’s mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for
his birthday.

Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby’s mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.

Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for
your birthday.

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write
God a letter.

************ **
Letter 1

Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.

I want a red one.

Your friend,
Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn’t true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
So he tore up the letter and started over.
************ **
Letter 2

Dear God,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like
A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,
Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn’t true either. So, he tore up the letter and
started again.
************ **
Letter 3

Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for
my birthday.

Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby
wrote a fourth letter.
************ **
Letter 4

God,

I know I haven’t been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,

Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he
wanted to go to church.

Bobby’s mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.

Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby’s mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.

Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.

He looked around to see if anyone was there.

Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.

He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down
the street, into the house, and up to his room.

He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.

Bobby began to write his letter to God.
************ **
Letter 5

God,

I’VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

When

The school reopened in June,

And we settled in our new desks and

benches!

When we queued up in book depot,

And got our new books

and notes!

When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays, yet

managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.

We learnt writing with

slates and pencils, and

Progressed To fountain pens and ball pens and then Micro tips!

When we began drawing with crayons and evolved to

Color pencils and finally sketch pens!

When we started calculating

first with tables and then with

Clarke’s tables and advanced to

Calculators and computers!

When we chased one another in the

corridors in Intervals, and returned to the classrooms

Drenched in sweat!

When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors,

Playgrounds,

under the trees and even in cycle sheds!

When all the colors in the world,

Decorated the campus on the Second Saturdays!

When a single P.T. period in the week’s Time Table,

Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons!

When cricket was played with writing pads as bats,

And Neckties and socks rolled into balls!

When few played

“kabadi” and “Kho-Kho” in scorching sun,

While others simply played

“book cricket” in the

Confines of classroom!

Of fights but no conspiracies,

Of Competitions but seldom jealousy!

When we used to

watch Live Cricket telecast,

In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks!

When few rushed at 3:45 to

“Conquer” window seats in our School bus!

While few others had “Big Fun”, “peppermint”,

“kulfi”, ” milk ice !” and “sharbat !” at 4o Clock!

Gone are the days

Of Sports Day,

and the annual School Day ,

And the one-month long

preparations for them.

Gone are the days

Of the stressful Quarterly,

Half Yearly and Annual Exams, And the most

enjoyed holidays after them!

Gone are the days

Of tenth and twelfth standards, when

We Spent almost the whole year writing revision tests!

We learnt,

We enjoyed,

We played,

We won,

We lost,

We laughed,

We cried,

We fought,

We thought.

With so much fun in them, so many friends,

So much experience, all this and more!

Gone are the days

When we used

to talk for hours with our friends!

Now we don’t have time to say a `Hi’!

Gone are the days

When we played games on the road!

Now we

Code on the road with laptop!

Gone are the days

When we saw stars Shining at Night!

Now we see stars when our code doesn’t Work!

Gone are the days

When we sat to chat with Friends on grounds!

Now we chat in chat rooms…..!

Gone are the days

Where we

studied just to pass!

Now we study to save our job!

Gone are the days

Where we had no money in our pockets and still fun filled on our hearts!!

Now we have the atm as well as credit card but with an empty heart!!

Gone are the days

Where we shouted on the road!

Now we don’t shout even at home

Gone are the days

Where we got lectures from all!

Now we give lectures to all…   Gone are the days

But not the memories, which will be

Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and

Ever and ever and ever …..

Gone are the Days…. But still there are lot more Days to come in our Life!!

NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE ,

DONT FORGET TO

LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL

EXISTS…