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INDIAN Police….

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Police LOOK in different countries…!!! is a post from: Orkut Help

The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your
school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff
member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent – Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work – Press 2

To complain about what we do – Press 3

To swear at staff members – Press 4

To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you – Press 5

If you want us to raise your child – Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone – Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year – Press 8

To complain about bus transportation – Press 9

To complain about school lunches – Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be
accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work,
homework and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack
of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

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A School’s Answering Machine is a post from: Orkut Help

Coz the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be
better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, “Does your boss know
that you discourage business?”

“Actually, it is my boss’s idea,” the employee replied sheepishly.

“We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix
things themselves first.”

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Printer repairs is a post from: Orkut Help

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BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR is a post from: Orkut Help

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Latest trend of Wedding Invitation!! is a post from: Orkut Help

The Mexican replied only a little while, The American then asked why
didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish?

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.

The American then asked the Mexican how he spent the rest of his time.

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my
children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village
each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a
full and busy life, senor.”

The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You
should spend more time fishing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger
boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several
boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of
selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the
processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the
product, processing and distribution.

“You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move
to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your
expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But senor, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15-20 years.”

“But what then, senor?” asked the Mexican.

The American laughed, and said, “That’s the best part! When the time
is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the
public. You’ll become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions, senor?” replied the Mexican. “Then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal
fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with
your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the
evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your
amigos.”

Then the Mexican Fisherman says: THEN WHAT AM I DOING NOW

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MBA graduate and the fisherman! is a post from: Orkut Help

Principal to student…” I saw u yesterday rotating  near girls hostel pulling cigarette…? ”

*********************************************************************

Class teacher once said :

” pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!”

*******************************************

once Hindi teacher said….”I’m going out of the world to America..”

*******************************************

“..DON’T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK..”

*******************************************

don’t..laugh at the back benches…otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down……

*******************************************

it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

” why is fan not oning” (ing form of on)

*******************************************

teacher in a furious mood…

write down ur name and father of ur name!!

*******************************************

“shhh… quiet… the principal is revolving around college”

*******************************************

My manager started like this

“Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids”

*******************************************

“I’ll illustrate what I have in my mind” said the professor and erased the board

*******************************************

“will u hang that calendar or else i’ll HANG MYSELF”

****************************** *************

LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ,” IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE”

*******************************************

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us…

“My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter”

*******************************************

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

*******************************************

“why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!”

*******************************************

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

“I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

********************************************

Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

“Keep quiet, the principal has passed away”
..

********************************************

Teacher to Girl Student: Yesterday you were lying (lie) with the principal and today you are lying (lie) with me??

********************************************

Teacher to student: I will catch you and jump out of the window.

(Teacher tried to tell a student that he will hold the student and throw him out of the class.)

********************************************

Teacher to Girl Student:        Meet me behind the school (after the school

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Killing English…..but really enjoyable….. is a post from: Orkut Help

While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)

Was shaving with his electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG)

He put on a dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA),

designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)

and tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA)

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA)

he sat down with his calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO)

to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN)

to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA)

he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY)

filled it with GAS
(from Saudi Arabia)

and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging
and fruitless day checking his Computer
(Made In Malaysia),

John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL)

poured himself a glass of wine
(MADE IN FRANCE)

and turned on his TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA),

and then wondered why he can’t find
a good paying job in AMERICA
AND NOW HE’S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP
FROM A PRESIDENT MADE IN KENYA!

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The American Life is a post from: Orkut Help

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A Mysterious Tree In India is a post from: Orkut Help

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a
man, and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

“One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a
river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord
appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he
needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. “Is this your
axe?” the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. “Is this your
axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”

The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three
axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the
riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the
Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE “Is
this your wife?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.

You see, if I had said ‘no’ to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up
with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up
with my wife. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all
three.

Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three
wives, so THAT’S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE .”

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and
honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it! – “WE ARE HONORABLE MEN!”

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Honorable MEN is a post from: Orkut Help