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During a visit to the mental hospital, one newspaper reporter asked the
Director ‘How do you determine whether or not a patient should be
admitted
to the hospital.’

‘Well,’ said the Director, ‘we fill up a bathtub, then we give a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the
bathtub.’

‘Oh, I understand,’ the reporter said. ‘A normal person would use
the
bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon
or the teacup.’

‘No. the Director continued,

.

.

.

.

‘A normal person would pull the drain plug. Well……. Do you want a
bed
near the window?’

Equation-1

Men = eat + sleep + work + enjoy.
Donkeys = eat + sleep.

Therefore,
Men = Donkey + work + enjoy.

Therefore,
Men – enjoy = Donkeys + work.

In other words,
Men who don’t enjoy = Donkeys that work.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

Equation-2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money.
Donkeys = eat + sleep.

Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money.

Therefore,
Men – earn money = Donkeys.

In other words,
Men who don’t earn money = Donkeys.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====

Equation-3

Women = eat + sleep + spend.
Donkeys = eat + sleep.

Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend.

Therefore,
Women – spend = Donkeys.

In other words,
Women who don’t spend = Donkeys.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====

Observation :
From Equations 2 and 3, Men who don’t earn money = Women who don’t spend.

Conclusion :
Postulate – 1 : Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys!

Postulate – 2 : Women spend not to let men become Donkeys!

So, we have :
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money.

Therefore from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude that
Men + Women = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

As my friend was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not. My friend saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

“Well,” he said, “when they were very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” My friend was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? So make an attempt to grow further…. Why shouldn’t we try it again?

“YOUR ATTEMPT MAY FAIL, BUT NEVER FAIL TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT.”

God was fed up. In a crash of thunder he/she yanked up to Heaven three
influential humans, George Bush, Russian President, and Bill Gates.
“The human race is a complete disappointment,” God boomed.

“You each have one week to prepare your followers for the end of the
world.” Then, with another crash of thunder they found themselves back
on Earth.

Bush immediately called in his cabinet. “I have good news and bad
news,” he announced grimly.

“The good news is that there is god. The bad news is Gods really mad
and plans to end the world in a week.”

The Russia President announced to parliament, “Comrades, I have bad
news and worse news. The bad news is that we were wrong, there is a
god after all. The worse news is Gods mad and is going to end the
world in a week.”

Meanwhile, Bill Gates called a meeting of his top engineers. “I have
good news and better news. The good news is that God considers me one
of the three most influential men on Earth,” he beamed.

“The better news is we don’t have to fix Windows Vista.”

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family,
forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called “Saints”, But now they
are called.. “IT professionals”

2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker’s T Shirt : “If
you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen
off”

3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the
other loves too many.

4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company!

5) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

6) What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for
your exams..!

7) Useful
Someone has rightly said, “A fool can ask More questions that a wise
man cannot answer”
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says “To the only boy
I ever loved.!”
Girl: That’s good, Give me 12 of them..!

9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said:
” WE do have an… opening for you..! ”
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the “door..!”

10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don’t kill our Employee….. Leave them to us.

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to
celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our
engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency
landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be
able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be
rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our
lives!”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, “Mona, did we pay our
Rs 5 lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?”

“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Mona, did we
pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?”

“Oh no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,” she says.

“One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the car
loan to them too this month?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,” begged Mona. “I didn’t send that one, either.”

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years, Mona pulls
away and asks him, “So, why did you hug me?”

Rajiv answers, “We are saved, they’ll definitely find us!”

22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.

21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.

20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.

19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn’t need to take bath.

18. Sneezes and says ‘Excuse me’.

17. Says “Hey” instead of “Hi”.
Says “Yogurt” instead says “Curds”.
Says “Cab” instead of “Taxi”.
Says “Candy” instead of “Chocolate”.
Says “Cookie” instead of “Biscuit”.
Says ” Free Way ” instead of “Highway”.
Says “got to go” instead of “Have to go”.
Says “Oh” instead of “Zero”, (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven
Zero Four)

16.Doesn’t forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every
time he steps out.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts
in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but
deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats “Zee”
several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y
Zee(but never says Zed)

11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY,
says “Oh! British Style!”

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about “Jet Lag”.

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

7. Tries to drink “Diet Coke”, instead of Normal Coke.

6.. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is
experiencing it for the first time.

5. Pronounces “schedule” as “skejule”, and “module” as “mojule”.

4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by
which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll
the bag on Indian Roads.

Ultimate one:
1. Tries to begin conversation with “In US ….” or “When I was in US…”

I have traveled across the length and breadth of India and I have not seen one person who is a beggar, who is a thief. Such wealth I have seen in this country, such high moral values, people of such calibre, that I do not think we would ever conquer this country, unless we break the very backbone of this nation, which is her spiritual and cultural heritage, and, therefore, I propose that we replace her old and ancient education system, her culture, for if the Indians think that all that is foreign and English is good and greater than their own, they will lose their self-esteem, their native self-culture and they will become what we want them, a truly dominated nation.”