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SIMPLE ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

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PAKISTAN

When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.

When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.

When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.

When you please your boss, you’re kissing up.
When your boss please his boss, he’s being co-operative.

When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.

When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I’m fantastic in bed”.

That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and – pointing at you – says, “He’s fantastic in bed”.

That’s Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You get her telephone number off one of her friends. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed”.

That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed”.

That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed”.

That’s Brand Recognition.

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below says, “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.

“I am” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “Everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”

The man below says, “You must be a manager”.

“I am,” replies the balloonist, “But how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so it’s an even trade.

Nothing
This means “something”, and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. ‘Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with ‘Fine’

Go Ahead
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Go Ahead (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (Neutral Expression)
This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care” You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”

Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow.

Please Do
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”

Thanks
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot
This is much different from “Thanks.” A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh.” Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh,” as she will only tell you “Nothing”

Secret behind Rs 30….

WHEN THE BOY WAS RETURNING AFTER HIS MARRIAGE…HE FOUND HIS WIFE HOLDING A
SMALL PACKET;

THE BOY ASKED……..WHATS THERE IN THAT PACKET..

WIFE REPLIED…..DARLING THIS IS THE SECRET OF MY LIFE…PLS NEVER OPEN IT OR
ASK ME ABOUT IT FURTHER….OTHERWISE OUR MARRIAGE WILL BE IN
TROUBLE…………………………………………………………… ………..

THE COUPLE SPENT THEIR DAYS HAPPILY……BUT THE BOY WAS VERY KEEN TO KNOW WHAT
WAS THERE IN THAT SMALL PACKET……

AFTER SOME DAYS THE BOY AGAIN TOLD……DARLING AFTER MARRYING YOU , I GOT THE
WOMAN OF MY DREAM…BUT TELL ME WHAT THAT PACKET IS…….IT WLL NEVER AFFECT OUR
RELATIONSHIP…..AS I LOVE U MORE THAN MY LIFE………………..BUT WIFE ONLY TOLD THAT
I ALSO LOVE U MORE THAN MY LIFE….THATS WHY TELLING U NOT TO ASK ABOUT
THAT……….

AFTER SOME DAYS WIFE WENT TO HER OWN HOUSE AND FORGOT TO TAKE HER
PACKET………THEN THE BOY COULDN’T CONTROL HIMSELF….AND OPENED THAT
PACKET……………………………!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE WAS SHOCKED TO OPEN THAT……..THERE WAS 30 RUPEES……AND 2 WHEAT GRAINS….IN
THAT PACKET……THE BOY COULDN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS…AND HOW IT COULD
AFFECT THEIR MARRIAGE LIFE………

THEN WHEN HIS WIFE RETURNED …..HE BURST INTO LAUGHTER…..AND TOLD …DARLING
WHAT IS THIS……AND HOW IT COULD HAVE AFFECTED OUR RELATIONSHIP……..WHATEVER
MAY BE……U HAVE TO TELL ME ABOUT THE SECRET…

THE WIFE REPLIED………………………

THAT’S NOT GOOD……………….ANY WAY…….IF U HAVE ALREADY FINALISED TO KNOW THE
SECRET …..HERE IT…………………

BEFORE MARRIAGE ..EACH TIME I MADE LOVE WITH ANY GUY…I PUT A WHEAT GRAIN IN
THAT PACKET TO REALISE THAT I HAVE DONE A MISTAKE…….……

THE BOY SAW THOSE TWO WHEAT GRAINS….AND AFTER WAITING FOR TWO MINUTES
TOLD…..……….. ITS OK……EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKE …….

I STILL LOVE U BECAUSE U TOLD ME THE TRUTH…….. BUT WHAT IS THAT 30
RUPEES……………………………… THE WIFE REPLIED…..THE BOY FAINTED……………………

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THE WIFE SAID……I HAVE SOLD 6 KG WHEAT AT A RATE RS 5 PER
KG……………..!!!!!!!!!!